


Chasing Phoenix Fire

by kahlen369



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Fire, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, SI-OC, Self-Insert, Self-Insert as Original Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kahlen369/pseuds/kahlen369
Summary: Ayaka is named for the state of the world upon her birth.She is born in a burst of reds and golds, in wildfire whirling around her, set against the backdrop of a hazy summer sunset. Her cries are lost in the howling of the fire, in the harsh voice of called out water jutsu that struggle to extinguish the strong flames.(SI-OC as a civilian orphan, in the same orphanage as one Uzumaki Naruto)





	1. Chapter 1

Ayaka is named for the state of the world upon her birth.

She is born in a burst of reds and golds, in wildfire whirling around her, set against the backdrop of a hazy summer sunset. Her cries are lost in the howling of the fire, in the harsh voice of called out water jutsu that struggle to extinguish the strong flames.

Though she manages, perilously, to survive, her mother does not, and she is soon shipped off to the local orphanage, already overflowing after the Kyuubi attack only a few months before.

Ayaka means colourful summer, because the matron of the orphanage has a dark sense of humor.

-o-

With her dark brown hair and coal black eyes, Ayaka is as nondescript as they come. At first glance, she looks like just about every other civilian in Fire Country, since most of the crazy colours only come from long ninja bloodlines.

A closer look reveals a certain delicate aristocracy to her pale features, one that suggests she will grow to be a great beauty, and that, likely, she is the bastard child of a union between some noble and the hapless farmer's daughter who died in a summer wildfire.

That same wildfire has left its mark on her, in burn scars that stretch across her growing arms like twisted up tattoos. Even as a baby, she'd had enough sense to cover her face from the flames with her chubby hands, it seems. The caretakers dress her up in long sleeves to cover them up, but Ayaka likes to rip them off, likes to poke at the sensitive tissue the same way she always picks at her scabs and presses against her wounds until they bleed.

People call her scars ugly, but she thinks they are beautiful.

-o-

Her surname is one of her few connections to her deceased mother, because the fire took everything else, and even her face, if the caretakers are to be believed do not share too many features with her. But Satō is as generic as they come, being one of the most popular surnames around and it is even shared across various orphans in the orphanage who have no relation, rendering the connection meaningless.

Are there real Satōs out there, ones who knew her mother? Like most orphans, she daydreams, sometimes, of some distant relation of hers, a real Satō coming to "assist" her, as their kanji implies. But these are idle thoughts, and they vanish like mist when she opens her eyes to see the four familiar walls of the orphanage once more.

Still, she wonders, and she is not quite sure which option is worse: that they simply do not know she is here, or that they do but they have chosen to abandon her to the orphanage regardless.

-o-

For as long as she remember, Ayaka dreams of fire, red and gold and white, whirling in a deadly dance around her. They cling to her, searing at her skin and it hurts so much, but she is not afraid. She is never afraid. There is fire in her blood and smoke in her lungs and this is the way she was born, the only way she knows how to live.

When she wakes up, she gasps, the comparatively cold clean air of the crowded rooms in the orphanage scraping against her lungs.

-o-

Sometimes, she dreams of other things.

She dreams of cities unlike anything she has ever seen or heard. Towering structures of metal and glass that rise even higher than hokage mountain. She dreams of noise and lights, a mass of bodies that merge together in sweet, sensual symphony. In them, she dances, wild and free and laughing giddily. She dreams of a world that cannot possibly be real, that is beyond her imagination, but some part of her, some gnawing in her bones is sure she has been here before.

A few times, she dreams of wavy blonde hair and bright green eyes that glint wickedly. Sometimes, there are other faces, another girl with blonde hair but ice blue eyes, a frowning blonde-haired boy with the same icy eyes and a lone girl with dark hair and dark eyes. They appear and blend together, a haze of colours that all get swallowed up in a whirlwind of fire.

Always, when she wakes up, she remembers only the vaguest of wisps and impressions. No matter how hard she tries, the images slip from her fingers like water, and she is left feeling cold, her inner fire muffled.

-o-

Ayaka makes both friends and enemies with startling ease, often within the same breath.

She is easygoing and gregarious, with a sharp sense of humour. Even at a young age, she exudes an air of confidence that allows her to easily drag others into her orbit (occasionally with force). But she is also ill-tempered and reckless, easy to anger and quick to grow violent.

Some say that wildfire she was born in has grown inside of her all these years, a fiery creature that bursts out at intervals, taking over her until she is no longer a little girl but some wild untameable force of nature.

-o-

Whatever the truth, as Ayaka grows, she proves as hard to discipline as punishment, in the form of a leather strap or rattan cane across the hands or sides, is quickly ineffective, as does any scolding or shouting.

The very first time an adult hits her in punishment, she is struck still, eyes wide and glassy, as though she is recalling a painful memory. After, for the rest of the day, she grows unusually silent and sullen (and when she sleeps, she dreams of pain and breaking of her bones and hears screams she only belatedly realizes are her own).

But the second time, and every time after, she only growls, a vindictive laugh that is out of place in her childish voice. Pain only seems to add fuel to her fire, and words of anger are thrown back with greater, vicious force. Because she is wildfire, she thinks, and any attempt to contain her will only burn those around her. Even if she herself goes up in flames in the process, she will take everyone with her, she thinks.

In the end, the only punishment that ends up rattling her is isolation. Ayaka hates to be ignored more than anything, and being locked in a room with no company but her own proves to be a worse punishment than any number of welts across her scarred arms. Alone, ignored, she is cold and clammy. A fire needs air and things to burn. Alone, it will snuff itself out.

Perhaps if she were someone else, Ayaka would learn discipline and fear. Instead, Ayaka learns to escape.

-o-

Uzumaki Naruto is a fellow orphan the same age as her. But because of the gender gap and Ayaka's tendency to do her own thing, she does not see much of him at first. Even when they do run into each other, during mealtimes or playtimes, he does not register much, beyond just another body in the crowded halls to avoid or mess around with, depending on how her mood strikes her.

But Ayaka is observant and intelligent, and it does not take long for her to notice something different about him. The caretakers not-so-subtly encourage the other orphans to pick on Naruto, turning a blind eye to any bullying and even discouraging any friendships with him, by making them share in the blame for when the boy is inevitably punished for some minor infraction of another, and even outright scolding anyone who spends too much time with him.

Of course, this only makes Ayaka want to do it more. Ever eager to disobey, she wants to do it just to be contrary, to feel that familiar fire welling up inside her. But after a few days of observing the boy from afar, she finds more even more reasons to do it.

The Uzumaki boy is quiet and solemn, and loud and brash by turns. He cringes from the caretakers' hands and watches the other children with big, sad eyes.

None of it makes him much different from any other boy in the orphanage, where pathetic, discarded children are left to rot, crowded together until they are only some nameless, faceless mass of human suffering.

Of course, Ayaka doesn't see it that way in so many words. She only sees a scrawny brat, nothing special, and grows ever curious. She wants to know where the fear comes from, with all the stubborn recklessness of a child.

Observant and intelligent she may be, but Ayaka has no head for planning. Even if she could, she would not want to. She loves the feeling of making decisions in the heat of the moment, feeling the rush of adrenaline of jumping headfirst into action, the utter freedom of just doing whatever comes to mind.

-o-

This is how the one of the greatest friendships the world has ever seen begins:

"Yo, Uzumaki! We're friends now, yeah?" Ayaka tells him casually one day, when the kids are let out to play. She doesn't bother waiting for an affirmative response and just plops down next to him, grinning at the bewildered expression that crosses his face.

"Huh?" Naruto replies dumbly, before his face scrunches up in suspicions, already wary, at five years old. "Are ya playin' a trick on me?"

Unable to help herself, when given this great opening, Ayaka responds, with all the solemnity she can muster, "Yup."

Naruto reacts as expected, spluttering in confusions before he shifts into anger. Ayaka laughs then, and tries to tell him it's a joke, but he tackles her instead. The dark-haired girl only laughs harder, and the two end up wrestling in the dirt until one of the caretakers comes to pull them apart.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Ayaka corners him again, grinning wildly at his startled face and repeats her words from yesterday.

 

Again, Naruto is wary. Like a boy who has touched fire and been burned once before, he knows better than to trust the glow of the light. Looking at her skeptically, he asks, with a jut of his lips, that doesn’t quite hide the hurt underneath it, “Why do ya wanna be friends with me?” 

 

Alba cocks her head, thinks about what will gain her a more entertaining, and thus satisfactory, answer, before she remembers her plan. Telling him she wants to be friends to anger the caretakers probably will not end well, she thinks. So, instead, she says, “I’m bored, you’re fun! Yesterday was fun, wasn’t it?” 

 

Yesterday, they wrestled in the ground, tiny fists flailing against each other, to the soundtrack of his growls and her echoing laughter. Ayaka grins, while Naruto looks at her like she is crazy.

 

" _ You’re crazy _ ,” He breathes out, eyes wide. 

 

“Hey, we live in a  _ ninja _ village!” Ayaka points out, with a but of a pout. “We’re supposed to like fighting.”

 

Strangely, this actually seems to makes sense to Naruto, as he slowly nods. “I guess…” Then, his eyes start to light up as he eagerly asks her, “Do you wanna be a ninja too?”

 

“Well, duh!” Ayaka answers, her own eyes glittering as she announces. “I wanna do some awesome fire jutsu, obviously.” 

 

Naruto nods faster, as he adds eagerly, “Yeah! And lightning jutsu, and wind jutsu--and all kinds of cool jutsu!!”

 

The two share a grin then, and just like that, in the easy way that children have, even children who have been broken and made wary through a world that cares little for them---they are  _ friends _ . 

 

-o-

 

A lot of kids in the orphanage look up to and dream of being ninja. It makes perfect sense, considering they live in the middle of a ninja village, where ninja are glorified as heroes and the Will of Fire is something even the most clueless of civilians know well. 

 

But more that that, being a ninja is their ticket to a decent life. It is hard to find success as a civilian when you’re an orphan. If you want to work, you need to have some knowledge or skills that people want to pay for, or at least enough connections to powerful people that such things won’t matter as much. When you are a poor, nameless orphan, that doesn’t give you many opportunities. 

 

Though the civilian school is also free, it only teaches the absolute bare minimum of knowledge, like math, language and history, none of which will help you get a job. For that, you’d need to get an apprenticeship or study at one of the technical schools. The first one requires a lot of natural talent and someone willing to be a mentor, while the second is very expensive. 

 

So, most orphans who take the civilian route end up on the streets once they age out of the orphanage. If they are lucky, they might get jobs as unskilled labourers or extra manpower every once in awhile, but these will be odd jobs, and will never be enough to sustain even a frugal lifestyle. Some, resort to thievery and crime, which will inevitably land them in jail after getting caught by the Uchiha police, whose eyes and training will easily allow them to catch even the most talented civilian thief. Most, just end up hiding out in the dirty alleys and dilapidated corners of the village, as beggars and vagrants, ghosts that haunt at the edges of society, barely alive.

 

-o-

 

When the caretakers see the two of them being friendly, they react rather expectedly. They send alarmed looks at each other before the disapproval comes off them in waves.

 

Ayaka has to hide an devilish smirk at that, but clearly doesn’t do it well enough if the somewhat confused and suspicious look Naruto sends her means anything. All it takes is a quick change of topic to get him beaming again though, and Ayaka cannot help but smirk a little at how easy it is. 

 

Of course, that only makes him question her again, and they fall into a ridiculous cycle that only gets broken when the caretakers, who are not so easily distracted as a five-year-old boy, decide to intervene.

 

“Ayaka-chan,” One of the caretakers calls out to her, tone sickly sweet, but brown eyes flashing in warning. “Why don’t you come over here and play with your friend Kaoru?”

 

The boy in question is busy playing by himself on one of the swings. His wild reddish-brown hair flutters in the wind as he swings high into the air, his face is pulled into a laugh, his dark brown eyes scrunched nearly close. Ayaka has hung out with him a few times before. He’s a bit of a crybaby, but he also laughs easily and usually goes along with whatever she says. 

 

Normally, Ayaka would not mind the words much, beyond the usual prickle of annoyance at being order to do something, even if it’s just to play with someone. But now, she has Naruto, and an opportunity to make the caretakers especially angry that she does not want to let go of.

 

So, Ayaka only cocks her head, the picture of innocence as she points out, “But I’m playing with Ruto-kun right now.”

 

The woman, Lin, sputters at this, and even Naruto looks askance at her, likely at the sudden nickname he has developed in the span of two meetings. Ayaka resists the urge to laugh or send her new friend a wink, because that would break the portrait of innocent naivete she is trying to paint right now. Of course, considering the kind of stunts she’s pulled in the last two weeks alone, pretty much no one in the orphanage who isn’t a baby actually believes Ayaka is anything like innocent.

 

Because Ayaka is not at all innocent, she knows that now is the moment to cut and run, before the caretakers decide to forcibly separate them again, this time because they are  _ not  _ hurting each other. Grabbing Naruto’s hand, she quickly drags them away from the cluster of adults, missing swiping hands by mere inches. The two of them run, Ayaka laughing none too innocently, into the relative safety of the forest that borders the orphanage. She knows from experience that the caretakers will not chase them there, fearful for some reason she doesn’t quite understand and isn’t curious enough yet to question.

 

-o-

 

Nearly all of the orphans are civilians, because clan children who lost their parents typically get cared for by other clan members. A few are children of first-generation ninja, while a few are unacknowledged bastard children that are the result of an affair between a clan member and civilian. But most, are children of civilians, with completely unremarkable aptitudes for ninja. Even so, should they choose it, they will likely succeed in become ninja. 

 

The Academy is subsidized by the government and completely free so long as they graduate and become a genin. They don’t need to be particularly talented or well-connected to do so. Even if they fail most of your classes or are at the absolute bottom of the class, they will still be able to graduate and become part of the Genin Corp, because all they really need are able bodies who are loyal to Konoha and willing to die if the situation calls for it.

 

Having had its forces decimated by wars, and then by the Kyuubi attack, Konoha is in somewhat dire need of more manpower to maintain its position on the world playing field, even if it's just bolstering the Genin Corp with sheer numbers. 

 

The overcrowded orphanage, with all the disposable, moldable children inside it, are an obvious solution. 

 

-o-

 

Sometimes, Ayaka dreams, of strange metal contraptions that shoot out tiny pieces of metal only slightly bigger than a needle but so much more lethal and effective. She dreams, of ugly, boxes of destructions and weirdly shaped objects that fly in the air and rain destruction down from the skies. She dreams, of sallow-faced children with hands outstretched, desperate for the smallest coin. She dreams, of the crunch from broken bones and a pale face stark with bruises, wavy blonde hair dirty and matted with blood.

 

In any world, there is violence and death, the kind of ceaseless, pointless fighting that consumes mankind. 

  
There will always be children caught in between, disposable and moldable to whatever higher causes have gripped the powers of the world next.  


	3. Chapter 3

Ayaka feels the warm summer sun on her face when she tilts her head to stare up at the canopy, the light filtering through the leaves in tiny cracks like stars. In that moment, she forgets, more than ever, the faded dreams that haunt her even in the new day, and the crawling creature inside her that is always trying to crawl out almost seems content.

But like all things, especially the good, it does not last. Naruto calls out to her, and she almost decides to ignore it, but if she wants to keep being friends with him for more than a few minutes, that is probably not a good idea. Ayaka almost decides to do it anyway. Like fire, she is a fickle creature, and at the moment, she cares far more about enjoying a small moment of peace than any potential fun to be had from messing with the caretakers. Unfortunately, the blonde doesn’t take the hint, and only moves closer, tugging at her arm until she faces him with a loud sigh.

“ _What?_ ” Ayaka moans annoyedly, instinctively. Then, she takes in the nervous look in his eyes, the way he flinches under her sudden ire, and she frowns. “What’s wrong?” It can’t just be because of her mood. Or maybe not. Ayaka’s definitely scared and angered enough kids, some friends, to know that she can apparently be pretty scary.

But then, the warmth of the forest suddenly seems dimmer, and she remembers, with sudden clarity, what happens to children who wander the forest alone. Looking around quickly, she seems to glimpse shadows lurking amongst the trees, and she shivers, feeling cold. Something flickers in her memory, and she tries, futilely, to chase it, before she loses it completely, when Naruto speaks up again.

“Ya still wanna be my friend?” The voice is small and distant, and Ayaka blinks, looks into eyes so blue she forgets about the darkness, and the faded dreams that have always haunted her almost as much as fire.

Still a little slow to respond, Ayaka manages to say, confusion trickling into her voice. “Well, yeah. Why do ya even ask?”

For a moment, she wonders if he realized her plan, and feels a small stab of guilt. Okay, so maybe she wouldn’t have bothered to be his friend if not for that, but it wasn’t like she hated him or anything! That was more than what everyone else seemed to think, at least.

When Naruto finally mumbles a response, Ayaka only feels guiltier. “Even if it makes ‘em angry at ya?”

Ugh, stupid kid, Ayaka thinks briefly, wondering why he couldn’t just leave it alone. Shaking her head, she decides to go for the truth, sort of. With a scoff and a grin that’s only slightly slightly forced, she boasts, “Please, I love it when they get angry! It’s funny watching them get all red and screechy.”

Naruto scrunches his face, looking torn between disbelief and laughter. The caretakers get “red and screechy” all too often around him. He’s always found it confusing (and hurtful) not funny. But, now that he thinks about it….

The blonde haired boy cannot stop laughing, and in between his gasps of air, he manages to huff out, “T-they… do look.. f-funny!”

Because laughter is infectious, and his expression looks so ridiculous, Ayaka starts laughing too, and the forest rings out with their laughter, bouncing off each other, wild and free.

-o-

In the orphanage, children often come and go. It’s not uncommon to see some just completely disappear one day, out of the blue,vanishing as though they’d never been there in the first place, while any pitiful personal items they might’ve left behind get nicked by the other kids.

If they’re lucky, it’s because they got adopted and went to a better place (a real home even). If they’re not so lucky… well, some go to “a better place”, up amongst the stars, as the caretakers say. Others, who are even unluckier, might not even have that. Instead, they are taken by various unscrupulous groups who take advantage of the fact that few people care to look too hard for a missing orphan or two. What happens to them after they get taken? That is not a story that anyone is able to tell ( _because they’ll seal off your tongue and make sure of your silence_ ) but everyone knows ( _there is no hope, no life, once you have been taken_ ).

-o-

There is a boy, about the same age as Ayaka, who loves to draw. He has short dark hair and dark eyes that are always pointed down at the little notebook he carries around with him. His name is Sai, and he does not talk much to the other kids, preferring to stay by himself under the shade of the trees with his notebook for company.

He is perfectly ordinary, and frankly, rather boring. Ayaka would not give him much notice, except that, sometimes, she looks at him and feels a flicker of something she cannot describe. There are times when she sees that dark hair, the figure crouched over paper, and for an instant, seems to see someone else. He reminds her of someone, someone she can no longer recall, but it was someone she had once cared for, she is sure.

The empty feeling she gets, that tug of longing, it’s the same as when she thinks of fire, when she tries to remember the myriad of dreams that always fade upon the waking world. Ayaka thinks this must be important somehow, that he must be important, but she does not know why. Some part of her doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to care.

Though Ayaka longs for fire with a fierce and reckless desperation, she cannot help but feel flickers of fear at the thought of this quiet boy and the nameless shadow he makes her think of. The light might burn her, but she is sure the ghosts will never let her survive ( _not when they are dead, not when she---_ )

-o-

Ayaka has always had plenty of friends (and even more enemies), and she does not think befriending Naruto as well will affect this fact at all, because why would it? Naruto is Naruto, and her other friends are each their own, after all. But it does.

Though Ayaka does not mind the caretakers’ words or their anger, most of them do. They like her well enough, of course, but not enough to go directly against the adults. It’s a bitter lesson in friendship, one that hits her harder than she expects.

Though she’s always been a wild, flighty creature who marches to her own beat, she’s also a social creature who thrives in a group that responds to her. Isolation has always been the worst punishment to her for a reason, after all.

When former friends start to avoid her, making pathetic excuses or bluntly pointing in Naruto’s direction before scurrying away, Ayaka is more hurt than angry. But only for a moment. Anger has always come easy to her, with a quick temper that flashes sudden and fierce. In retaliation for the perceived betrayal, she brutally pranks all old friends, staging crimes that she pins on them, and generally embarrassing them in various ways until she is laughing so hard she forgets to be angry.

During this time, she finds out what a good friend Naruto turns out to be.

-o-

Though at first, Ayaka hangs out with Naruto just to piss the caretakers off, she quickly finds that the boy isn’t a bad friend to have at all. The kid’s pretty funny on his own, though he is most fun to mess around with, which is great trait in a friend, something she already knows from experience.

But he also messes back, which is a much rarer trait in her friends (mostly former friends now), and one she finds she finds she likes even more. The two quickly turn from vague acquaintances to somewhat antagonistic “friends” to partners in crime.

When Ayaka decides to go on a pranking spree to punish all her former friends (and a few of her enemies just for fun), Naruto is right there with her, coming up with ingenious plans that have them both sharing wicked smirks.

After that, the orphanage more or less quails in terror at their combined forces, and no one is safe from their pranking sprees, which continue on despite heavy and frequent punishments against them both.

-o-

_One day, Sai disappears._

-o-

It takes Ayaka about three hours before she notices.

She and Naruto are hanging out amongst the trees close to the orphanage grounds, idly climbing while they discuss plans for their latest prank. When her eyes sweep over the courtyard, she does it out of habit more than anything. It takes several long moments before she realizes something is missing. Or, more accurately, someone.

“Hey, Naruto, when did last you see that Sai kid?” Ayaka says abruptly, interrupting the blonde’s long-winded monologue on the merits of classic pranks like the water bucket over the door.

“Uh… who?” Is the unhelpful response she receives.

Ayaka rolls her eyes before she elaborates, “The dark-haired kid with the notebook? Always drawin’?”

“Oh, him.” Naruto says, before he scrunches his face up in thought. “I dunno. I think I saw him a few hours ago? He was headin’ to the forest, I think.”

“What?” The brunette’s eyes are wide in surprise and alarm. “Why?”

Her friend only shrugs, looking supremely unconcerned about Sai and his wandering. “I dunno. He saw something, maybe? What’sa big deal?”

-o-

Orphans who walk into the forest, often don’t come back. There are few better opportunities to snatch a wayward child then under the shade and anonymity of the woods.

-o-

Ayaka has a bad feeling about all this, and so she says to Naruto, “How do you feel ‘bout a forest adventure?”


	4. Chapter 4

It doesn’t take long for the ominous feeling in Ayaka’s gut to prove itself right. They are only a few minutes into their “forest adventure”, and it’s already seeming like a terrible idea. The once brightly lit forest seems strangely ominous now. Though they were here only a few days ago, the landscape is almost unrecognizable, transformed into a setting that would not be out of place in a horror story.

 

 _This can’t be normal, right?_ Ayaka is hardly an expert on forests, but she doesn’t think they’re supposed to do this. _Is this… ninjitsu?_ Growing up in a ninja village means she’s grown up surrounded by people who can do incredible unbelievable things with little more than a few moves with their hands. From what she can vaguely remember from lessons, the trees that grow all over Konoha are supposed to be trees made from the first (or was it second?) Hokage’s jutsu or something.

 

Maybe the trees are _supposed_ to be like this, like a fickle stray cat that licks your hand one day then scratches it the next, as Ayaka has experienced before. Maybe, if they walk a little deeper, wait a longer, the trees will go back to how they were before, like the stray cat that just doesn’t know how to act around people.

 

But no matter what she tells herself, no matter what images she tries to conjure up through strange metaphors, her heart won’t stop beating too fast, and the trees only seem to loom larger over them. The feeble light filtering through the canopy only makes the shadows they cast even more eerie.

 

Worst of all, is the fact that the entire forest is strangely _silent_ , devoid of the usual noises of nature.

 

Ayaka thinks she can still hear the brook babbling in the distance, but it is muted, muffled, so much so it may be little more than a trick of her mind. There are no birds chirping here, no small creatures rushing through the bush, not even a gentle rustling of leaves as even the wind seems still---seems _dead_.

 

The word rings in her ears, and she tries not to think of Sai.

 

Even Naruto, who is usually oblivious to subtleties in mood has detected the drastic change of the forest around them. Actually, he seems even more affected, strangely enough, as he seems to grow ever more jittery and anxious the deeper they go into the forest.

 

His gaze darts back and forth, blue eyes wide in barely concealed fear. It’s clear by now that his initial excitement at an adventure has quickly faded, and it’s only his pride keeping him from running back to the relative safety of the orphanage. In all honestly, Ayaka wants to do the same, but she can’t.

 

 _Not without_ Sai _._

 

The truth is, Ayaka doesn’t know _why_ she cares so much about some orphan boy she hasn’t spoken more than two sentences to in their entire time together. It doesn’t make any kind of sense, and anytime she tries to think of _why_ he feels so important to her, strange echoes clang in her head, making her dizzy with colourful wisps she can’t place or decipher--

 

_(There’s a house, only it’s nothing like any of the houses she’s ever seen, and there’s a man and a woman, an older girl and a younger boy, and then there’s stacks of books and a young girl with dark hair and---)_

 

-o-

 

Sometimes, Ayaka dreams of a girl with dark hair and dark eyes, face always pointed downwards a tiny notebook in her hands. Usually the dream ends or shifts then, but sometimes, it goes on, and the girl looks up at her.

 

Often, the girl is sad, looking pale and small, with circles under her eyes, and a delicate frown. There’s such crushing despair in those dark orbs, an ocean that she drowns in, but worst of all is the an unspoken accusation that is woven in. Her mouth opens and her lips move, but only a strange garbled sound comes out.

 

Ayaka doesn’t understand, but her heart _aches_ anyway. She yearns to reach out, to take the girl’s hands, to hold her in her arms, but she’s always, _always_ , too late, and the scene cuts itself short, sputtering in a blaze of fire that tears a wordless scream from her throat.  

 

When she wakes up, she cannot recall any of it, and she forgets the pale face until the next time she spies a boy with her dark hair and dark eyes, but even so, the weight over her heart settles like stone, and the taste of ash lingers on her tongue for days after.

 

-o-

 

Despite their mutual unspoken misgivings, Ayaka and Naruto continue to walk deeper into the forest, where the light seems to fade with every step they take. There’s a rising sense of urgency, of wrongness, and their footsteps quicken instinctively. What little noise there was seems to have ceased entirely, and now their heartbeats sound out, all too loudly, in the dead silence.

 

Ayaka’s thoughts are filled with images of a dark-haired figure lying bloody on the ground, an image that makes her start to walk even faster, until a hand is pulling her back. She flinches at the sudden touch, nearly slamming a fist into her attacker’s face until she realizes who it is.

 

Naruto is looking uncharacteristically worried, his mischievous replaced with a deep frown. There’s concern and fear mixed into his bright blue eyes.  

 

“Ayaka…” Naruto whispers urgently, moving a little closer towards her, as though somehow afraid the forest will hear them. ”I’m gettin’ a _really_ bad feeling from this place right now.”

 

He gestures vaguely around them, though his eyes seem to linger in the thick shadows between the trees, where there is no light at all.

 

Ayaka doesn’t answer him, only bites her lips ‘til she draws blood and walks further in, ignoring the shadows that seem to creep in, ever closer towards them. The hairs on the back of her neck have been prickling ever since they’ve entered these woods, and she agrees wholeheartedly with the blonde. Maybe she is walking to her doom, and dragging her poor new friend with her, but she has to do it. For Sai.

 

 _(There’s an echo of another name, another face, something that pokes at the edges of her memory, and it’s a steady, constant presence, an unseen_ ghost _that lingers over her, always just at the edges, so she can never fully see, never truly_ understand _\---)_

 

“Cmon, it’s getting dark, we gotta turn back!” Naruto’s voice has a tinge of desperation now, at her continued silence, and he’s grabbing harder onto Ayaka’s arm, digging his nails into her skin hard enough that she almost winces again. But she doesn’t. She’s too used to pain, and too numb with fear and fog and _the need to find the black-haired boy_.

 

Instead, Ayaka turns to him, pasting a quick grin filled with false bravado that betrays none of the fraying nerves inside her. “All the more reason we need to find Sai.”

 

Unconvinced by her response or the obviously fake smile on her face, Naruto shakes his head quickly, exclaiming. “Look, I dunno if it was even really him! Plus, that was hours ago!”

 

“He wasn’t at the yard. Where else would he go?” Ayaka counters reasonably, but even if that wasn’t the case, some part of her is _certain_ that Sai is here. The forest would not feel this way otherwise, she is sure.

 

“Anywhere but _here_ ,” Naruto snaps, stressing the last word with a harsh tone that only makes Ayaka snap too.

 

“ _You_ can go back, but _I’m_ not leaving ‘til I find him!” She tells him fiercely, meaning every word with the kind of reckless abandon she’s always possessed in spades.

 

But, she realizes belatedly, possibly not in Naruto. It’s easy to forget, with how much they are alike, how they are also different.

 

Naruto has no strange attachment to Sai. He has no reason to be here other than her, and suddenly, she feels a foreign stab of guilt at thought of the danger he might be in now because of her.

 

This time, she does wince, as she realizes it’s probably better if she does do this alone, so she tells him, more gently, as she shakes her head, “I shouldn't’ve asked you to come. I’ll find Sai myself.”

 

Without waiting for a response, she quickly moves forward, footsteps heading into the ominous black with a fiery determination that blazes clear in her brown eyes.

 

( _Deep in her heart, something aches and throbs, a need so fierce that she bites her lips and bleeds---blood and pain and a haze of red around them and---)_

 

 _\---she needs to_ save _him._

 

-o-

 

There is a serious shortage of ninja in Konoha at present. After the wars that took out so many of their forces, it’s been a slow and desperate race to build back an army capable of defending the Land of Fire from the many hostiles that surround them. So, what do they do?

 

_The overcrowded orphanage, with all the disposable, moldable children inside it, are an obvious solution._

 

But a strong ninja village needs more than just a large ninja force, more than just a line of bodies to throw at the enemy. To be a strong ninja village, you need strong ninjas.

 

Civilian orphans, with no bloodline limits, no clan jutsu and no training besides the Academy standard, don’t make for very strong ninjas.

 

-o-

_Or do they?_

-o-

 

Amongst the many ninja villages in existence, Konoha has a reputation for being “soft”. Unlike the others, they have no propensity for murderous graduation exams or kidnapping talented kekkei genkai users for their own. Instead, they spout words of teamwork and friendship, ideas at odds with the general image of ninja.

 

But despite this, they are, at their core, still _ninjas_ , and the words they spout most of all is _the Will of Fire_.

 

The Will of Fire burns within every citizen in Konoha.

 

Sometimes, the fire will hurt and harm it’s wielder, but everything is for the good of the village.

 

For the Will of Fire to continue burning, sometimes, _sacrifices_ have to be made.

 

-o-

_And the overcrowded orphanage, with all the disposable, moldable children inside it, are an obvious solution._

-o-

 

Ayaka doesn’t run for long before she senses a change. Something seems to waver in the air, something that makes a shiver run down her spine, as she looks around wildly. For a moment, nothing seems different, and then, suddenly, the light seems to break through the fog of darkness.

 

Like a cup breaking apart in her hands making water spill out, the familiar sights and sounds of the forest return. The rushing water of the river, the rustle of the leaves in the wind, the birds chirping, all of it is suddenly, inexplicably back.

 

Standing amidst a beautiful picture of tranquility once more, Ayaka trembles. She doesn’t understand. Though the world around her seems bright and happy once again, and the haunted woods she’d travelled through seem like just a bad dream, she isn’t at all content.

 

Because the same certainty in her gut that told her Sai was in this forest, is now telling her he is _gone._

 

-o-

 

Ayaka falls to the ground then, like a doll with its strings cut. The unflagging determination she’d possessed that kept her walking through a nightmare version of this forest has left her completely.

 

Now, there’s only a familiar ache in her chest, one that grows, until it’s seeps into her blood and spreads across her like poison.  

 

She failed.

 

_Again._

-o-

 

In another world, a long time ago, a young girl looks on at the raging fire, desperation tearing through as she cries out for the figure in a shadow of the flames that she failed to save.

 

_Sister._

 

-o-

 

Ayaka knows, in her heart of hearts, that she was doomed to fail.

 

After all, she is no hero.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto POV

The thing is, for the longest time, Naruto didn’t have a lot of friends.

 

...Well, okay, he didn’t have _any_ friends.

 

But it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t like he didn’t _try_ to make friends. He was always trying to play games and talk and smile, just like everyone else. But no matter what he did, it always ended the same way.

 

Everyone would turn away from him, ignore his calls, and, in the end, he’d be left behind, _all alone_.

 

For as long as he could remember, Naruto was alone.

 

-o-

 

Naruto had been in the orphanage since birth, one of the many casualties of the Kyuubi’s attack years ago. Even more than the others, however, it seems like he was _cursed_ from the very beginning, as he was born in the very night of the attack. The night he was born was the night his parents _died_.

 

They died protecting him, at least. Or, that’s what he assumes ( _hopes_ ). No one ever tells him anything when he asks about his parents. The caretakers tend to ignore pretty much all his questions, but especially the ones about his parents. So, all Naruto really knows is his last name.

 

 _Uzumaki_.

 

It sounds cool, he thinks, and tries to be proud to bear it, imagines other people out there who might hold it to. Maybe it’s childish, but he can’t help but cling to the dream of someone one day coming into the orphanage, of an _Uzumaki_ looking for another.

 

He imagines them, sometimes, a whole crowd of _Uzumakis_ , just like him. All with blonde hair, blue eyes and lines on their cheeks.

 

-o-

 

One day, far off into the future, he’ll finally achieve these secret dreams, even if it’s in a way he never would have expected. He will never find a whole crowd of Uzumakis, because he’s arrived years too late, but he will find the last few, and he will new ones.

 

Little ones, with eyes like his and smiles that will _never_ have to be _faked_.

 

-o-

 

That’s a long day off though. _Now_ , Naruto is just another orphan, who, among a crowd of sad, pathetic souls, is even sadder and more pathetic, because not only does he not have any family--he doesn’t even have any friends.

 

The blonde tries not to let it get to him, only tries harder, smiles wider, at every rejection, at every ache in his chest as loneliness gnaws at him. He tries to be like the heroes he hears about, the great and the strong ninjas who have a million friends and admirers.

 

But, sometimes, it’s just too much for him. In the beginning, there are a lot of nights where he cries himself to sleep, muffling the noise with his fist in his mouth as his tears fall onto his pillow. He wonders why no one wants to be his friend, why he was born cursed, why no matter what he does, he is always alone. The questions chase him through the night and into the new day, always at the back of his mind.

 

Sometimes, the weight of it all turns into anger instead. He shouts and screams, generally making a nuisance of himself to those around him. Negative attention is still attention, he learns early on, and he wants attention, at least, if affection is impossible.

 

So, Naruto becomes a troublemaker, and makes even more enemies in those around him. But, sometimes, he manages to pull a laugh or two with his pranks, and it’s almost enough ( _to make him_ forget _, to make him feel not so_ alone _, if only just for a_ moment).

 

-o-

 

For the longest time, every day of Naruto’s friendless life passes the same way, an endless parade of lonely grey, even when the skies are bright blue and the sun is shining, and he remains alone, in the crowded halls of the orphanage.

 

Until one day, Sato Ayaka bursts into his life, an explosion of noise and smiles, and there’s so much _warmth_ now, that he thinks he might just burn if he stays too close for too long (but he doesn’t care, and he’ll grab as tightly as he can anyway).

 

-o-

 

Somehow, someway, they becomes _friends_.

 

-o-

 

For years, he’s struggled with the secret to making them. He’s always thought, maybe, he’s just been doing something wrong. That, maybe, if he just said the right things or did it the right way, he could finally make some friends too. But, the thing is, Naruto turns it over in his head for days after, but he still isn’t really sure exactly _how_ he made his first friend.

 

It was just another day, when all of a sudden, the girl walked right up to him and basically declared them friends then and there. Just like that. Like it was that _easy_ (maybe, for Ayaka, it was).

 

Of course, then, she said it was all some trick, and they ended up fighting. But, somehow... that only made them closer?

 

Yeah, Naruto _really_ doesn’t get it, and he doesn’t get _her_ at all. Even after being friends with her for a few months now, all he really knows for sure about Ayaka is that she is definitely a _weirdo_.

 

-o-

 

Naruto learns quickly that the scary-looking scars all over her arms ( _burn marks_ , he will learn later), that she delusionally proclaims as beautiful, are probably the _least_ weird thing about her.

 

They way she burst into his life was probably his first big hint, but she’s always dragging him into things. Before he realizes what’s happening, they end up going on all sorts of dangerous adventures because she’s even more reckless than he is---but without any of his _awesome_ stamina, so she always ends up looking super beat up next to him, which only makes the glares he gets from the caretakers about their friendship ten times worse.

 

It’s totally unfair, considering Ayaka herself never even seems to mind, and even seems to _like_ every new bruise and cut she gets, calling them battle scars, and making fun of him for having “skin like a sissy-baby’s butt”. In return, he called her a “wrinkly raisin-granny”, and they ended up fighting, brawling in the ground, not unlike their first day as friendship, which definitely should’ve given him a clue, probably.

 

Hitting girls is supposed to be wrong, he knows, but Ayaka is basically a girl in name only as far as he’s concerned. He doesn’t think a girl--or, really, _anybody_ else--would _laugh_ like crazy almost every time they fight. It’s totally creepy, especially when she does it through a _bleeding_ mouth. He’s pretty sure she only does it to creep him out, because she’s a jerk like that, but he can never be _sure_.

 

Because, yeah, Sato Ayaka is the strangest girl he’s ever met, and he has no clue how she thinks at all.

 

But… he _likes_ her anyway.

 

-o-

 

At first, he can hardly believe it at all.

 

From the moment Ayaka suddenly decided to be his friend, she’s been constantly dragging him to do things, sticking to him like glue almost the entire day, despite all the stares this unexpected behaviour gets her.

 

Maybe he should stop being shocked after the third time it happens, but honestly, Naruto never knows what to expect with the girl who’s suddenly such a fixture in his life. All too often, he has to pinch himself because he can hardly believe any of this is real, that this is all really happening.

 

He thinks, if this is all just a dream, then he doesn’t want to wake up.

 

Like all dreams though, like good things in his life, he expects it to end. He expects her to say, any moment now, to find his first friend looking at him with eyes just like everyone else.

 

_Hate. Fear. Indifference. Annoyance._

 

Ayaka says she doesn’t care what the caretakers think about their friendship, but what about the _other kids?_

 

Unlike Naruto, Ayaka has plenty of friends among their fellow orphans. Unlike him, she was always surrounded by people all the time, laughing and playing.

 

( _He remembers looking at her, at them, and the familiar throb of_ longing _and_ jealousy _burning in his gut, before he forced it away with a_ fake _smile on his face---_ )

 

Or, at least, that was the case before she suddenly decided she wanted to be friends with _him_. Naruto wonders if he’s really cursed after all, because as soon as Ayaka publicly declares herself his friend, she suddenly starts to lose all her old ones.

 

One by one, they begin to reject her friendship just as surely as they all reject his. All her attempts at getting them to come with her fail as soon as they see him by her side. They resist when she tries to drag them anyway, and Ayaka gets angry enough she only hits them once in frustration before leaving in a huff.

 

When she asks them why, they only look at _him_. One of them outright tells her to just stop being friends with him.

 

Naruto expects her to reject him then, to leave him for her old friends. He expects her to stop showing up by his side, to stop grinning at him and dragging him off to go down the slide backwards or to do something equally stupid and insane. He expects his days with her to _end_ . He expects her to leave him all _alone_ again.

 

But it doesn’t happen. He keeps waiting for the dream to end, but it never does.

 

Instead, Ayaka comes to him with plans to prank all her old friends, and though she’s brimming with anger at the perceived betrayal, she _laughs_ _with_ _him_ , wild and free (and just a little bit creepy) as ever, when they manage to pull off their plans without a hitch.

 

-o-

 

Naruto really doesn’t get why she wants to be friends with him at all. But he’s so _glad_ that she is.

 

Sure, she’s a complete _weirdo,_ a crazy girl who constantly gets them into trouble. Half the time, she just mocks him and makes fun of him, laughing when he gets angry and they start fighting instead.

 

But even when they _fight_ , they have _fun_ , and, like Ayaka says, all of it is good practice for when they become ninjas someday. They both share the same dream of going to the Academy and being awesome. She likes pranks just as much as he does, and is even, _maybe_ , just as good at them. Naruto is still better, obviously, but Ayaka was pretty awesome too. The two of them make a great _team_ , as they discover, and together, they become the twin pranking terrors of the orphanage.  

 

Overall, they have a great time together, and he doesn’t think he’s ever laughed or grinned as much as when he’s with her. It’s almost like he’s been blind all this time, because the greys of his old days have now exploded into such dizzying _colours_.

 

Sure, it’s the same old broken down orphanage, with all the same people who still hate or ignore him inside it, but having even just a single friend… suddenly, it’s not so _bad_. It’s like he can do anything now, as long as they’re by each other’s sides.

 

Ayaka’s not just his _first_ friend, she’s his _best_ friend, and he already can’t imagine a life without her.

 

-o-

 

Then, one day, it all falls apart.

 

At first, it’s another day just like any other, where the two of them are eagerly discussing plans for a new prank, when Ayaka suddenly looks over to the orphanage’s yard and starts says something about _a forest adventure_.

 

Obviously, Naruto agrees, because it’s an _adventure,_ after all, and, really, by now, he knows better than to bother disagreeing with Ayaka when she gets that glint in her eyes. They’ll just end up fighting, and then, eventually, he’ll agree to do what she wants anyway.

 

So, they go into the forest, to look for this Sai kid, for some reason. He doesn’t know why they’re doing this, why they should even care what he does. The blonde vaguely recalls the boy who’s always had his head in a book. He’s boring, frankly, and he’s never really paid any attention to him.

 

Naruto only noticed him walking into the forest because he remembered thinking that was kind of weird of him to do, when all he ever did was sit under the tree in the yard and read before. Maybe he wanted to go sit under some other trees? Naruto hadn’t cared enough to ask.

 

But, apparently, _Ayaka_ does.

 

He doesn’t understand _why_ . From what he remembers, Sai wasn’t even part of her group of old friends either. Sure, the caretakers like to talk about how all the orphans in the orphanage are supposed to be _one big family_ , but he knows it’s not true.

 

So, why is Ayaka suddenly looking like it’s the most important thing in the world to find this one boy? There’s a strange glint in her eyes almost as unsettling as the forest. Naruto will be the first to admit that she’s always a little strange, but this is _different_.

 

 _Sai_ is, somehow, different.

 

( _If he’s completely honest with himself, he’s more than a little_ jealous _of that. But he’s always been a_ liar _, so all he does is paste a bright smile on his face and think of_ adventure _-_ -)

 

-o-

 

But their little forest adventure goes wrong almost as soon as they step into the trees. Everything is dark and shifty and just plain scary. There’s something in the air that makes the back of his neck break out into goosebumps.

 

Naruto isn’t some kind of _sissy_ , okay, but he isn’t a complete _idiot_ , like some people believe, either. This forest is totally making his skin crawl like a thousand fire ants, and his stomach is basically nothing but a bunch of knots at the moment.

 

He has learned to trust his instincts, and they are screaming at him right now. _Leave_.

 

So, he tries. He goes up to Ayaka, and throws away his pride in favor of actually making it out of this creepy place alive. Besides, even his crazy friend must realize what kind of situation they’re in and want to leave to.

 

But, Ayaka is insistent. For some reason, this-- _Sai_ \--is too important to her.

 

_“I shouldn't’ve asked you to come. I’ll find Sai myself.”_

 

The words come suddenly, out of the blue, and they echo in the darkness of the forest.

 

He doesn’t realize what is happening before it’s late.

 

Stunned by her words, Naruto can only stand gaping at her quickly receding back. Before he knows it, Ayaka has disappeared into the shadows of the forest.

 

Leaving him all alone again.

 

-o-

 

_No. Wait._

 

Naruto’s running as soon as the situation hits him. The forest looms over him, ever ominous, but he hardly notices now, too focused on trying to find Ayaka.

 

On the way, the forest has changed again, dark giving way to light as the sun colours the ground a rich green once more. He notices it only distantly, any curiosity and confusion overshadowed by his current mission.

 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been running and searching in the forest, when he trips and falls in the dark, the thorns from some wild grass cutting painfully into his legs. But he’s up again after only a moment, barely aware of the pain, because that’s when he sees figure on the ground, and his heart skips a beat when he realizes just who it is.

 

“ _Ayaka!_ ”

 

Immediately, he scrambles closer, heedless of his own injuries as his hands hovering uncertainly above her still form. Her eyes are closed, and she’s not moving at all.

 

“Hey, hey, this isn’t _funny!_ Wake up already--” He calls out desperately, shaking her with hands that are gripping a little too tightly. “ _What’s wrong?_ ”

 

But Ayaka doesn’t answer, doesn’t open her eyes. She’s not moving at all--- _not even the steady rise and fall of someone who’s just_ _sleeping._

 

At that realization, panic floods him further, until he’s dizzy with the possibility. Naruto tries not to think about it, but the thought comes anyway.

 

 _Nononono_.

 

He can’t _lose_ her.

 

( _Ayaka’s not just his_ first _friend, she’s his_ best _friend, and he already can’t imagine a life_ without _her--_ )

 

A terrible scream slips from Naruto’s mouth, hoarse and desperate, a wild animal sound that makes all who hear it shiver.  

 

-o-

 

The forest transforms a third time then, as flood of familiar oppressive chakra fills the air with killer intent.

 

Its echoes resound all through Konoha: in the orphanage where the caretakers find their worst fears confirmed and the children begin to cry in confusion; in the rest of the village, where the civilians feel uneasy, while the ninja immediately go on the defensive, and a brave reckless few head for the source---

 

And in the hidden underground passageways beneath the forest, where a ROOT agent has an unconscious Sai held over his shoulder, where the feeling is the worst of all, he finds himself unable to move, trapped by a sudden well of fear not even ROOT training could remove.  

**Author's Note:**

> So, as you can see, this is not your typical Reincarnated!SI-OC, in that Ayaka does not actually remember her past life much, beyond some faded dreams but it will start to trickle through as she grows up, and there are plenty of little things that slip through too, like her enhanced intelligence, her dark outlook, etc. Other canon characters will show up in later chapters (esp. once they enter the Academy), as well as a few other OCs (only minor roles though). 
> 
> Inspired by all the great SI-OC fics out there (you know who you are :P)


End file.
